Chocolate Mango
This is my first game.
I have never made any before and decided to give it a shot.
Development time: a week (chosen to actually put a project out)
I think there were some successes and failures personally.
- Success: art turned out to be pretty cute and I am very happy with the minimalistic characters.
- Failure: the writing is genuinely a little weak. I didn't expect how different it is to write a VN vs a regular novel. Also, it's a bit hard to tell when a different character is speaking.
Please leave some feedback for me (which area should I try to improve in most?). Thank you! <3
Development log
- OopsMay 28, 2022
Comments
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> which area should I try to improve in most?
I agree with others that dialogs are hard to write, and currently it is the weakest point of this game.
I find incredible how good the characters look, because i would never thought that this “simple” crayon could be so effective.
After a while the music starts to get too repetitive, but since the game is so short it is not that bad too.
Well done.
1. It's super cute; the crayon-style and character design give the game a lot of personality. The jokes land, and I can start to see some individuality in the characters (which is hard to build since the game is short)
2. I was pleasantly surprised by the music, since I didn't know you had composed it. Give yourself a shout-out in the credits lol
3. The text boxes don't disappear between scene transitions, so I'm not able to take in the backgrounds
4. A different color, character portraits, or quick animation between speakers to differentiate dialogue would be nice
Woo! excited to see more from you!
When MC thinks or narratives go, hide the name text. also gj
Thank you, yeah that slipped my mind >.<
Right out of the gate, the artstyle caries this game hard. It's incredibly charming and the lack of professionalism compliments the writings simplicity. Unfortunately that also leads to the first major complaint, while the game is rather short, it's still long enough to grow bored of the way everything is written. Ignoring the typos (as those honestly add to the charm of everything,) none of the characters speak differently from one another and often times you're stuck fawning over the cuteness of every character design but troubled over the fact that the writing makes it all seem like it's being read to you by one person. Still though, for a first attempt, you've more than blown it out of the water. Writing dialogue and especially conversations takes work that I cannot even fathom and you've already nailed the visual aspects of the game. I'm very excited to see if you have any projects to come.
Thank you for your feedback.
You're absolutely right about the character voices. I have definitely struggled in understanding of how the writing for a VN differs from regular writing.
I won't let you down and improve with my future projects.